Racing from a different perspective

This weekend I found something new in racing, a new way of experiencing the race with a different meaning and purpose.
For me it's not about winning, or trying to win, it's about being engaged in the race. Being active, be a catalyst even if only minor.
For the first time in many years I enjoyed a flat criterium, and I did it without an attachment to the outcome. If I did well that was great, if I didn't that was fine too. The most important thing was being in the moment and allowing my riding to be expressed through my participation in the moment.

What may have seemed like a pointless effort to some was quite exhilarating and freeing to me. In that moment I was being a part of what was to come. Whether it gave someone a rest, or allowed for strategic maneuvering for the finish, I was a part of it. A contributor to some unseen or unpredictable out come.

It would have been very easy to just be a passenger and ride around, but to me that is not living.

So maybe I might not ever win a criterium, or a road race, or any race for that matter. At this point in my cycling, it does not matter, I have no attachment to the out come.
With no attachment to the outcome I can never be disappointed, the outlook of failure or success does not exist. Only in the expression of self and to the moment.

Listening, being aware of the game, and participating to the extent that I am capable.

For me that is how I will race.

Results are for those who desire the next level, those seeking a profession. If so inclined, if the moment calls for it, I can choose to help them. Either by creating resistance or opportunity, but it will be my choice...in the moment.