Sunday, July 30, 2006

Masters Districts

Masters? I am not sure what that means anymore, I thought it meant mature adults that enjoy racing their bike for sheer pleasure.
Apparently it potentially means several who never gained enough maturity to know that not winning the race this day isn't the end of the known World.

This weekend was full of bottle throwing, and grown man tantrums, after and during the races.
You would almost think it was the World Pro Championship and next year's big team Euro-Pro contract depended on it.

(This portion of this post has been edited to show that balance in the universe has been restored...or something silly like that.)

Oh, let's not forget the dude who was lying face down in the gutter from greasing a corner two years ago telling me to pick a different line. Whatever...

Oh Yeah, this is what we do for fun.

Alas, I do want congratulate Taz on a spectacular win, and always having a good attitude about racing. No flaunting, just takes care of business.

Today I think someone spiked Nate's chamomile tea as he blasted off right from the line.
Pretty studdly like, that part of the race was damn cool. Bummer that it was realed in, but they were out there for a long time. I like that kind of racing, and I like having a clear job to do...making the big dogs work.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Sons a Bastigouses

After coming back from Cascade where we had no OLN and being Tour deprived I start going back and watching the stages that played while we were gone. After all, that's why we pay for the DVR service.
I need to know why Salvadeli is MIA, were did George get dropped, and who had the underweigthed bike on stage 11. Important information! You savvy?

Late Monday night I stop the play of stage 11 just at the base of the last climb, just before all hell breaks loose and go to bed with the intention of picking it up before I head off to work.

6:00 AM I click on the TV hit list and BAM, GONE, all of my Tour recordings have vanished. WHAT THE...?!

Later that day we find that several movies are also missing. They are still in the listing, but hit play and the screen says "No Information".

Tuesday night I call InDirectv to find out what gives. Blah blah blah, the usual run around, and I get elevated to the next level of tech support. OK try this, try that. NADA!
The lady says let's do a reset all. "Are you sure?", I asked. "Oh, don't worry, all of your recording will remain intact."
"OK, you are the expert."

We go through the whole process and now everything is missing, 100% disk space available.
"It's not supposed to do that." "Well lady, it can't not supposed to do that because it's already done."

She has me check the software version and past updates. HMM, look at that, last update on 7-26-06 at 1:15 AM (Tuesday morning).

Me: OK, InDirectv, you Effed up and you erased something that is important to me, how are you going to fix it?

Dtv: We are so sorry, we know how you must feel.

Me: OK, great, you are sorry, now how are you going to fix it?

Dtv: Does the program play again?

Me: No.

Dtv: Then there is nothing we can do.

Me: Oh yes there is, you WILL replace the programing.

Dtv: I'am sorry but there is nothing we can do.

Me: Unacceptable! You WILL buy me the DVD, even though that is not a true replacement.

Round and round and round we go. "OK, we will reimburse you for the DVD."

Me: Great, now how about if this happens again. How do we stop that from happening?

Dtv: Uh, it could happen again.

Me: I am not going to be your crash test dummy, we need to start working on a solution.

Dtv: We don't have one.

Me: Find one. How about we start by removing one possibility, the DVR unit. Send me a knew one.
Round and round and round we go. An hour later she puts me in touch with the floor manager, 30 seconds after I explain everything to him he says "let's start by sending you a new receiver that way we remove that from being the problem".

DUH! That's what I have been trying to explain to miss Bonehead for an hour. 30 Damn seconds, problem solved.

This morning I call after seeing the DVD is available:
Me: "how do I proceed?"

Dtv: We can't do that.

Me: Exsqeeze me? This is already all worked out, you don't get to undo it.

Dtv: I am sorry, we can't do that, but I'll have a manager call you.

Me: Fine you have 2 hours.

Scratch that, I am calling right back.
Bam, right to the people in the disconnect department. Round and round, explain everything all over again, "hold please". 15 minutes later she comes back and drops the call. WTF!

I call again, "please put me through to the disconnect department". Dude picks up, great I have to give the whole story AGAIN.
30 seconds later he says "OK, we will credit your account". Just like that, problem solved!

I thanked Dude for taking care of business then asked him why only the men at Dtv can handle business, then women their seem to be from Mars.

The moral, don't talk to the women in Tech Support, ask for a man. It's sad, but true. Sorry ladies, not my idea, it's just the way things went down.

Jeezus H Christ!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I'm an Adult Now

So who remembers this song? How many of you can identify with it?

Well, I don't hate my parents
I don't get drunk just to spite them
I've got my own reasons to drink now
Think I'll call my dad up and invite him
I can sleep in till noon anytime I want
Though there's not many days that I do
Gotta get up and take on that world
When your an adult it's no cliche it's the truth

'Cause I'm an adult now
I'm an adult now
I've got the problems of an adult
On my head and on my shoulders
I'm an adult now

I can't even look at young girls anymore
People will think I'm some kind of pervert
Adult sex is either boring or dirty
Young people they can get away with murder
I don't write songs about girls anymore
I have to write songs about women
No more boy meets girl boy loses girl
More like man tries to figure out what the hell went wrong

I can't take any more illicit drugs
I can't afford any artificial joy
I'd sure look like a fool dead in a ditch somewhere
With a mind full of chemicals
Like some cheese-eating high school boy

Sometimes my head hurts and sometimes my stomach hurts
And I guess it won't be long
Till I'm sitting in a room with a bunch
of people whose necks and backs are aching
Whose sight and hearing's failing
Who just can't seem to get it up
Speaking of hearing, I can't take too much loud music
I mean I like to play it, but I sure don't like the racket
Noise, but I can't hear anything
Just guitars screaming, screaming, screaming
Some guy screaming in a leather jacket

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Dance of the Secret Shrimp Lady

Making tacos, chicken that is, but a special pan is set aside with tasty morsels. Hey, what's that? She says "nothing". What do you mean nothing? "It's nothing, your taco filling is over in this pan."

I have a treat for you, it's bon bon le vache.

Ha ha ha.

And the Secret Shrimp Lady prepares for the magnificent distraction of light and sound.

Where is the Ambersil? "It's anbesol". No, that is a mind numbing agent, I need something for this cold sore on my lip.

Now it's time to start training for Everest, the mountain with the biggest tits.

I, Nome Agusta hereby proclaim this inferno of a planet uninhabitable.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Top Step!

Congratulations!!!! The Nuclear turbines were at full fusion on stage 4.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Last minute racing, an Infinit battle

Sunday: I sleep in until I can't sleep anymore. I asked Groove Talking if we were going on a ride, she opted out since she did two hours in the heat on Saturday. Hmm...what time does the race start? 10:30!, Damn, it's 8:15!
No time for breakfast! I swapped the wheels out to the carbons while gnawing on a Cliff bar, mix up my Infinit bottles and jump in the truck by 9:00.
I arrived at the venue with an hour to spare and they were running behind. I enjoyed watching, and yelling encouragements at the 4/5 squad while I prepared for my race.
The words of the day were MOVE UP and WORK TOGETHER!

Just before we start I see Lothar and Reed from Safeway who are also doing the 3s. I told them I would work really hard in a break if they are interested in getting something rolling. I wasn't worried about the win, I wanted the Omnium points.

Round and round we went, a few riders tried futile moves, but the first 10 minutes of a 50 minute race was kind of early. I kept my nose out of the wind and waited for Safeway to make a move. Kyle jumped on the backside so I bridged, we rotated about 3 times but were caught. I got back in and stayed near the front waiting for the next volley. It came on a prime as a rider went for the sprint I saw the RH Villa kid ramp up for a counter. It looked solid so I went with, hoping Safeway was being attentive.
I think they might have had a little fatigue left from Coyote Creek, they did not respond.
This all happened about 20 minutes in, hmm...kind of early still. We held tempo for a few laps hoping for some fire power to come across. I lost count of how many laps went by, but at 30 minutes to go they rang a prime bell. I suggested to RH that we just ride and not worry about the prime. I was also thinking the prime would mean a pack swarm. That was OK as I was feeling good and thought I could handle a re-shuffle.
We came around the hairpin and we were still clear, I told RH lets just split it if we take it. He sort of silent and I thought he might sprint. Whatever. I drove steady to the line, not sprinting just hard breakaway pace. RH didn't contest and we were joined by a Squadra Ovest that just finished a failed snipe for then prime attempt. HA! NOT! Access denied.

We gave SO time to recover, but after a lap of sitting on I asked him to work. He took a few pulls, but they were a little slow so I only let him pull for a couple seconds.

With about 8 laps to go we were joined by another SO rider, Johnny come lately sounded the alarm bells in the pack and we were done. The announcer said 5 seconds, so I soft peddled the corners 1 and 2 to recover and prepare for the catch and jump on a counter. Nothing really shook the pack, and SO put a couple of guys on the front for the last two laps to keep it fast. This was a rare site and good to see. I wanted to attack again but they were doing a fancy job of keeping the pace high. This meant It was time to think about the sprint and practice holding a position. I did OK on the position thing, but that hairpin tend to re-shuffle things pretty efficiently. Managed 7th at the line.

With my 4th and the 7th, everyone was pretty sure that I had the Omnium. Hmm...something about counting eggs before the chickens hatch, or is that hatched eggs counting chickens...or something? Well...I don't know animals, but it's bad.

Turns out a Ken from Peggy who was second from last on Diablo had won the crit giving him a 2 point advantage and dropping me to second. SON OF A....

Well, that OK, my legs and motor felt great all weekend and with the prime and the 2nd in GC for the Ominium I have some nice prizes chew on.

Pegasus put on a great weekend of racing, I look forward to both of them next year.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Garlic Fries



garlic fries...

Zoom Zoom we go...

This bad boy with all the fixins is being packed up and loaded on a brown truck as I write this.
Gianni pointed out that Petite Lutin and Grove Talkin could even use it to do Sattley next year. So many new opportunities for fun.

I am very excited!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Happy 4th, and other ramblings

Because I would not want you to drink the whole 5th by yourself.

Our society is getting weak, pansy like...bunch of sissies.
I remember a time when:
1. We had lead in our paint
2. Seatbelts were the equivalent of electric windows
3. My dad would have a beer in his lap while making a pass on Shaw Avenue at 80 MPH in our 72 El Camino SS (yeah, 454 LS-6, Baby).
4. We had our own friggen fireworks on 4th of July.
5. Helmets were what football players wore, and hitting the back of our head on the street because of an overshot wheelie only hurt for about 5 minutes. OK, I only did that 3 times, but the 3rd time was not my fault. (Someone answer that damn phone!)
6. We could ghost ride our bikes into the ditch off of Ashland and Cedar(yeah Sharkman, you know where I am talkin about, probably a Walmart there now) and we never broke any collar bones.
7. We had our own damn fireworks and so did the neighbors. And it wasn't illegal.

OK, I am going off to have a garlic fries orgasm now. (In a distracted daze, perhaps remembering some incredible experience of recent past the lean bike racing machine mumbles under his breath..."garlic fries")

Happy 4th of July!

God Bless America...

and nowhere else.